Realize
by vanessalengies
Summary: His breath starts coming out faster. For some reason his heart is beating like mad, and he can’t break the eye contact; he doesn’t want to. -- Peter has to deal with new confusing feelings after the kiss. PILEY. Peter/Riley SLASH. Set after 805. Oneshot.


Peter looks into Riley's eyes as he steps closer to him, suddenly fully aware of his breathing. His breath starts coming out faster. For some reason his heart is beating like mad, and he can't break the eye contact; he doesn't _want_ to.

Then it happens.

Riley moves forward forcefully and kisses him.

Pushing him away is the first thing he could think of. That's what you're supposed to do when a guy kisses you, right? Peter acts on instinct, he can't let a guy kiss him! He can't kiss a guy. That isn't _normal._

"Dude!" He exclaims, with a look of disgust on his face.

And when Riley looks at him with a look of pure torture across his face and walks out on him, for some reason, he wants to run after him. His heart is still doing flip flops. Are these butterflies? The last time Peter had butterflies was when Darcy and him were together.

He shakes his head, trying to banish away those thoughts. He's _not_ gay. Surely he's just a little confused. A _guy_ just _kissed_ him! He reasons with himself that anybody would be confused after that.

These thoughts still plague his mind when he goes to find Mia the next day. He finds her and crashes his lips against hers, a mad dash to free his mind of all things Riley.

"Uh, what are you--"

He kisses her again, pulling her against the wall.

Breaking away, she asks, "What's gotten into you?"

"I just realized, I'm kinda ready to be official…if you are."

As they kiss, agree to meet for lunch, and part, Peter watches her walk away, no more confused than ever.

Sure, Mia is a great girl, a hot model, and a great kisser. All those things are things Peter likes about her, but there's just one problem. The kiss with Riley is still replaying in his head. Over and over. It's not that he doesn't like kissing Mia, he does, it's just that…it's not like kissing Riley.

That scares Peter. He CAN'T be _gay. _How could that be possible? He thinks about it. Maybe it's just a friend crush. He hasn't had a real guy friend in a while, and he's getting too attached already. It makes perfect sense to him. Or at least that's what he tells himself for fear of the alternative.

By the time their science presentation rolls around, Peter is determined to talk to Riley. Get it all out in the open, but any hope of that is quite possibly crushed by a stupid comment by Derek.

"Hey, look at that, Riley made Peter's pickle glow!"

Peter quickly glances at Riley, Riley avoids his gaze.

Peter asks to talk, Riley shoots him down.

"I've got nothing' to say to you."

Once again Peter is left with his thoughts. His thoughts on Riley, his mood, the _kiss._

At lunch, when Mia calls Riley his boyfriend, Peter cringes. It's not that he hates the idea, he thinks it might actually be nice, but he doesn't know how it would work, doesn't know if he even likes him yet. _Yet._ He ponders what the meaning of what that yet means. Does he want him to be his boyfriend? Does he _want_ kiss him more? Peter clearly doesn't want to think about this, so he tells Mia.

Mia, of course, doesn't understand what's going on inside Peter's mind. He thinks about whether or not he should tell her, but he decides against it. That would hurt her, she would know he only became official with her to forget his own insecurities. Peter doesn't want to let his selfishness get her hurt, he's a good guy, he doesn't want to hurt a girl.

She convinces him to talk to Riley, exactly what he's been wanting to do all day. But now he knows how to start off the conversation. Mia tells him that even if he's gay, they can be friends. Peter can be there for Riley.

Peter goes into the weight room ready to talk, more sure of himself. _He's_ straight, _Riley_ is the gay one, he has a _girlfriend._

As soon as he walks in and sees Riley bench pressing, all sweaty, muscles visible, that flies out the window. His mind is racing, his heart is beating so hard it might fly out, and Derek's comment in science isn't too far from the truth.

He remembers what Mia said and he just decides to go with it.

"Hey man. It's cool. The thing the other day…it's cool. I mean, I'm not into you like that, but, you know, I like hanging out with you. So, if you're gay, it's cool with me."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

For a second, Peter's hurt. Does Riley not remember that kiss? Was it not important to him _at all?_

"A-at my place…the kiss…?"

Riley sits up, putting the bar back on the rack and stares at Peter.

"Nothing happened man. I'm straight."

"Maybe you should talk to someone…my mom was s--"

He's cut off my Riley slamming him into the lockers, screaming into his face.

"I told you! Nothin' happened! Got it?!"

He punches the locker next to Peter's head.

Peter can't help it. He likes the way that Riley looks when he's angry. Riley is staring at him, Peter is staring back. The way Riley is breathing heavily does something to Peter that he just quite can't explain.

Peter goes by what he's feeling and puts a hand on the back of Riley's neck, pulling him closer to kiss him. Peter expects him to pull away, and is surprised, yet elated, when he doesn't. Riley kisses him back, and runs his tongue along Peter's lips, begging for entry. Peter accepts gladly, letting his tongue dance with Riley's, as he flips them, and slams Riley back into the lockers, deepening the kiss.

Peter feels Riley's fingers dance to his shirt hem, ready to pull it up, when the bell rings.

The spell is broken, both of their ears pick up on the sound, they know more people might be coming in here. Riley takes his hands away from Peter's shirt and pushes him away.

They stare at each other for a few moments, breathing heavily, then Riley leans forward and places a quick, sweet kiss on Peter's lips before walking away.

This leaves Peter alone with his thoughts. He realizes that _that _changes things. He's not straight. What is he? Is he gay? Is he bi? He doesn't care, as long as he gets to be _something _in Riley's life. He'd be willing to help Riley realize what he is, because he's just as confused.

He finds Riley in the hall with Bruce and Derek. Peter decides it's best to just play it cool, talk to him about track.

Riley calls him a fag. Peter's confused again. Did he do something wrong? He could have sworn that Riley kissed him back, wanted him just as much as he wanted Riley. Does Riley regret it? Peter doesn't want that to be the case. Peter doesn't regret it. Peter liked it, he hasn't felt this way in…ever. He's never felt this way about anybody. How could it just be _over_ like that? So quickly? When it didn't even get a chance to really start?

When Riley walks away, he looks back at Peter with a look. Peter can tell what this look means. Riley is sorry. Sorry for not being able to be what he wants him to be. At least in public. He feels the same way that Peter does. It's all going to be okay. _They _are going to be okay.

Peter is relieved. He can do the secret thing. After all, he did that with both Emma and Darcy. Besides, being a secret is hotter. This time, though, it's going to work out. Peter knows that Riley doesn't have any tortured ex-boyfriends who are going to come back into his life, and he feels pretty sure that Riley isn't going to ditch him to help build a school in Africa.

Peter knows what he is. He is Peter Michael Stone. A senior at Degrassi Community School. A member of STUDZ. And he likes Riley Stavros.


End file.
